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Artemis Fowl

Mulch Diggums

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Artemis Fowl character
Mulch Diggums

Mulch

Gender Male
Eye colour Brown
Job Runs Short and Diggums: Private Investigators; past criminal
Species Dwarf
Family Nord (cousin)
Aliases Lance Digger, the Grouch, Mo Digence,Tombstone
First appearance Artemis Fowl
Mulch Diggums is a kleptomaniac dwarf who once ran a minor business called Short and Diggums: Private Investigators with Holly Short after he "goes straight", after his long life on the run for his crimes, particularly those regarding thefts. He gave up his magic after entering a human dwelling without being invited in by the humans who lived there. He was frequently asked for help when Julius Root was commander, namely during the Fowl Manor siege.

Biography

Early life

Not much is known about Mulch Diggums's life. Mulch was born into a typical dwarf cavern-dwelling family. He went to school, but never saw the point of vocabulary class. He used to be a miner, but decided early in life that he didn't like it, wanting to put his talents to other uses, namely, robbing valuable items. He was also known to have been given a chance to be an athlete, a long distance tunneler, but turned down the job for monetary reasons. He is also a little short person and hasn't grown

Life of Crime

No fairy could go inside a human dwelling without an invitation. If they did, they would lose all their magic. Mulch didn't mind this; magic wasn't very useful when he was mining, Plus, casting spells made him feel sick. So, Mulch went inside the dwelling anyway, and lost his magic, but also gained a valuable item. He continued to do this for a few hundred years. But, one day, he tried to sell the Jules Rimet Cup to an undercover LEP operative. After that, he had been arrested 20 times, being caught more often than he's escaped. Mulch has special abilities that allowed him to escape.

Fowl Manor siege

GoblinMulch

Wart-face threatens to incinerate Mulch.

Mulch was jailed in LEP Central when some goblin jail-mates, who hated the Dwarf Brotherhood, threatened to throw fire at him he shuved his thumbs up his nose and sent him flying. LEP officers arrived just in time to bring him to Commander Root, who had an offer for him. After giving Mulch a blackout suit to prevent him from burning in the sun, the officers took Mulch to E1, then to the time-field portal to Fowl Manor, now in a time-field. Root made a deal: If Mulch broke into Fowl Manor, found what Artemis was using to know about the People, and see if captive Holly Short was still alive, Root would take fifty years off Mulch's sentence and put him in a single, low-security cell. Mulch was reluctant at first, but agreed.

After breaking into Fowl Manor, Mulch, with the help of Foaly on the speaker in his ear, found his way through and broke into a safe containing a copy of the Book, shocking him. He took it as Butler came down and saw him. Mulch immediately "ejected" a huge amount of tunnel waste at him, throwing him to the wall and knocking him unconscious. He found his way to the cellar and Holly. Showing her the Book, she realized that they were playing into Artemis Fowl's hands the whole time. Mulch wanted to free her, but due to the Book's laws, she was forbidden. The LEP expected Mulch to then go tunnelling back outside again, but he had a different plan.

Escape

Mulch had all along intended to escape during the siege, and he had a plan. After fatally strangling a rabbit while tunnelling, he took off his iris-cam and put it on the rabbit's eye. He knocked dirt off the walls, and screamed "Help!" to make it sound as though there were a cave-in. The rabbit's increasingly speeding heartbeat went to LEP, and thinking it was Mulch's, they thought he was dying. After the rabbit died, and its heartbeat stopped, the iris-cam Mulch put in made Root and the rest of the police think Mulch was dead. Stealing a part of the ransom fund that Holly had taken back, he dug himself out of the manor and escaped.

Life in Los Angeles


The following is from the short story The Seventh Dwarf. Due to its continuity error, the info may not be fully accurate.


Lady Fei Fei's tiara

Mulch

Mulch from the first graphic novel.

Now that he had successfully escaped and led everyone to believe he was dead, Mulch began to continue subterranean robberies. His new target was Lady Fei Fei's tiara, the tiara belonging to a legendary Chinese diplomat. It was solid gold, and had a bright blue jewel at its center, which was priceless. Learning from ArtyFacts.com that the tiara was being held at the Fleirsheim Museum, he went there to find a fake tiara. Artemis Fowl II revealed himself then, impressed. Mulch realizes it was all just a test. Artemis planted false information on his website to lure Mulch to the tiara. Artemis wanted the diamond on the tiara, but he said that if Mulch cooperated, he could have the rest. Artemis claimed he wanted the diamond for a new laser he was creating. At first, Mulch was reluctant, but Artemis blackmailed him by threatening to post his existence and whereabouts on the Internet, which would eventually be found by the LEP. He agreed to help, and they successfully stole the tiara, though they did run into Holly Short.

Seventh Dwarf information ends here.


The Grouch

Going under the name Lance Digger, Mulch found a liking to stealing Oscars. Across the country, Oscars were being stolen. The thief (Mulch) began to be known as The Grouch, "another well-known Academy Award." The last academy award he stole was from actress Maggie V, who said, "If the Grouch tries anything in my apartment, he will get a lot more than he bargained for." To Mulch, this "invitation" was irresistible. He managed to steal Maggie's award, but barely escaped with his freedom and possibly his life because of the trap Maggie V had set for him. The award was in a small hole underneath a rug in the floor. Mulch grabbed the statuette without searching for traps, and a magnetically activated alarm went off when he removed the statue. He spoke to the dogs using the fairy gift of tongues, and created a distraction, allowing him to escape after the dogs turned on their handler after Mulch told them he had a bone.

Capture

The night he robbed Academy Award-winning actress Maggie V, Holly Short and Artemis Fowl captured Mulch under the orders of Commander Root. Root was reluctant to let Mulch guide the group's way through Koboi Laboratories, but Mulch would be a valuable asset to the group later.

Help in Defeating Opal Koboi

After being captured Mulch was given the offer of escaping 2 days before the officer who will apprehend him will start searching for him if he helped Julius, Artemis, Butler and Holly into Koboi Laboratories. Mulch led the team through a small fissure in a chute which only expanded enough before the next flare; they barely escape. After this Mulch leads them through a fake titanium pipe, originally made of sewage to Koboi Laboratories. He encourages Artemis to go through a pipe full of deactivated plasma. Artemis listens to Mulch and thanks to Foaly, who foils Cudgeon's plan to overthrow the goblins rather than Opal.

Chicago

Working for the Antonellis

Sometime after the B'wa Kell rebellion, Mulch had himself hired by the Antonelli family as a 'monkey'- a person who gets into tight places. Jon Spiro contracted the Antonelli's the job to find and bring back Artemis Fowl to the Spiro Needle, Chicago, Illinois.

Helping Artemis and the LEP

After doing so, Spiro ordered Pex and Chips to kill Mulch to eliminate potential problems. The dwarf tricks the two into burying him alive, where he burrows to safety. After rescuing Artemis Fowl, he is convicted by the LEP and sent to fairy prison with a CD disguised as a medallion.

An Old Enemy

Butler's Memories

Fowl, who had been mind-wiped by Foaly, brushed a layer of gold leaf onto a CD with all the information about the fairies and gave it to Mulch as a present. In addition, he changed the warrant on Mulch's cave, exonerating him for past crimes. Mulch then gives the disk to Butler, who regains his memories after seeing Artemis on disk, telling Butler that his name was Domovoi, something Butler would never do unless it wouldn't matter anymore.

Artemis

After rescuing Artemis and Holly from trolls with some dwarf gas, Artemis obtains the disk and goes to the bathroom, where he sees his diary and remembers all his memories of the fairies. Mulch then is able to convince Artemis that the events he was going through were not hallucination.

Mulch's Trick

While the team distracted Opal and the Brill brothers on their stealth shuttle with grenades laid in a grid, Mulch secretly got on board the shuttle. He took the two shaped charges and left a communicator in their place. Then, when Opal found out that the grenades were a distraction, she pursued their shuttle, coming down to the parallel stretch where the Zito Probe would come close to E7. Mulch however, had not taken the charges; he had moved them to the booty box, and the Brill brothers accidentally blew up their own craft because of this.

Quotes

"Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, commander."
Mulch Diggums
"What do I have to do to get a little respect around here? You are all alive because of me, and all I get is abuse."
The Opal Deception
"Shut up. You're supposed to be unconscious."
The Opal Deception
"I'd better get a medal for this. A real medal. No more gold-plated computer-disks."
The Opal Deception
"Go. I say again, we have a go situation at the black 'op code-red thing."
The Eternity Code
"Why is it, Julius, that you never pay me a social visit?"
The Arctic Incident
"I am either going to barf, or fall asleep, or both."
The Lost Colony
"A present from my...eh...From my mother. She always called me Holly because of my, erm, prickly personality."
The Time Paradox
"I'm a thief, aren't I? But in my defense, I had a difficult childhood, which led to low self-esteem, which I projected onto others and punished them by stealing their possessions."
The Time Paradox
"Pull your jacket over your face."
The Time Paradox
"Keep this up and I may choose not to marry your sister."
The Time Paradox
"''Hey I'm already public enemy number one, it's not as if I can go any higher on the list."
The Time Paradox

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